


Somewhere in the line of sight

by ourspecialtonight



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Sex, Ben Solo/original nonbinary character (in a flashback), Feelings, First Time, M/M, Oral Sex, Pre-TFA, Touch-Starved, Virgin Armitage Hux, past xenophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-04-22 19:00:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22203448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourspecialtonight/pseuds/ourspecialtonight
Summary: “All this time, were you saving yourself just for me?” Ren breathed, and seeing Hux’s face, whispered, “Just pretend, it makes it better.”“Yes, Ren, just for you,” Hux said, and saying it out loud made it feel almost true.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 190





	Somewhere in the line of sight

“You’re upset.” Hux set his third glass of whiskey on the bartop and kept his eyes straight ahead, away from the voice at his back. 

“Well spotted, Ren. I suppose a massive intelligence failure will do that, sometimes.” 

Uninvited, Kylo Ren sat at the stool next to Hux and took off his helmet, dropping it on the floor next to his stool. Ren’s face was something of an open secret-- not an everyday occurrence by any means, but most senior officers had seen it uncovered at one point or another. The less Hux saw of it, the better, as far as he was concerned, and he kept his eyes averted as Ren signaled the bartending droid for a drink.

“False intelligence is always a risk when you use analog extraction techniques. Your people pushed too hard, too fast, and you got bad information. It happens. Maybe next time you’ll let me help before we end up wasting our time,” Ren said, delicately biting out the last part. 

“Ah, and it all makes sense now. You came to gloat.” 

“Not at all. I am pointing out these procedural shortcomings for your benefit.  _ Constructive  _ criticism,” Ren said, taking the first sip of his drink, one of those colorful concoctions that cover up their 50% alcohol content with sugar and fruit. 

“How generous of you. Regardless, I don’t think we’ll be getting another crack at that one; he bled out and we had to space him,” Hux said. 

“Gods, you’re brutal!” Ren said, almost laughing, “How do you sleep at night?”

“Very well, thank you. And your technique is just as brutal. You are a brute, after all,” Hux said. 

“Mm, that is true,” Ren growled, but even without looking Hux could hear his smile. He suppressed a shiver and refocused his attention on the rows of liquor bottles behind the bar. Neat little soldiers, lined up like a firing squad. 

“Anyway, you should save your suggestions for my successor. Snoke won’t keep me around long after this,” Hux said bitterly. Ren shook his head. 

“The Supreme Leader is wise; he will understand. How long have you been in command, six months? You just need further training.”

“I’ve seen how he trains you. I’m sure you can understand my apprehension.” 

“My training is more about unlearning than learning, at this point. Pain is good for me. You should trust that he has your best interests at heart, too.” Hux did not trust that at all and found it creepy that Ren did, but it wasn’t his business. 

“Well. Regardless, there will be consequences. I need to get back to my office and get my documentation in order; maybe a good paper trail will save me,” Hux checked his chrono, “and I’ve already wasted so much time--”

“I think you need to get fucked,” Ren said suddenly. 

“Oh, resorting to vulgar insults now? Very nice. Very professional.”

“No, I mean I think you need to  _ get fucked _ . Literally. Has it been a while, Hux? You must have very little leisure time now,” Ren’s voice dripped with sympathy, mocking, Hux was sure, and the simmering anger of the whole day boiled up to the surface. 

“I suppose you think I have no need for it anymore, now that I have reached the apex of the command chain. Is that it?” Hux shouted, suddenly feeling the effects of the whiskey. “A general at twenty nine, he must have had a cock in every orifice, sucking and fucking like a cantina whore, isn’t that right? Is that what people say about me?”

Ren looked mildly startled by Hux’s outburst and backtracked. “No, I meant, just. Regular, non-transactional sex.”

“Oh, please,” Hux spat, “It’s always transactional. Which is exactly why I have abstained. I’m likely the only one to have come out of that filthy brothel of an Academy with my dignity intact, and I will not have anyone thinking otherwise.”

“Wait, abstained? Entirely?” Ren asked.

“For personal and professional reasons, yes,” Hux said stiffly. 

“But… don’t you want to? With someone you could trust?”

“There are plenty of things I  _ want,  _ Ren, chief among them reliable intelligence. But we can’t have everything, can we? And in case you haven’t noticed, there is no one I can trust. That has been institutionally guaranteed. An inferior could easily blackmail me, and a superior-- well, no such person exists anymore, but the degradation would have outweighed any potential benefit.” 

“You don’t think you have any equals on this ship,” Ren said, smiling a little into his drink. 

“What, you?” Hux laughed, incredulous enough to turn his head and stare. “Have you finally lost your mind?”

Ren shrugged and traced a finger around the rim of his glass. “I would make it good for you. You wouldn’t have to worry about a thing.”

Hux was quiet a moment, then gestured at Ren’s drink, “Let me try that.” Ren slid the almost-empty glass over to Hux, who took a little sip then made a face.

“Syrupy jet fuel. I don’t know how you drink that,” Hux said, passing the drink back to Ren.

“I like it. The salt helps,” Ren said, and took a lick of the salted rim. Hux forced himself to avert his eyes again. The two sat in silence for a minute before Ren spoke again. 

“I didn’t mean to touch a nerve,” he said, “But it doesn’t have to be as complicated as you’re thinking.” 

Hux sighed. “I suppose it’s not entirely your fault. You didn’t grow up in the Order; you couldn’t be expected to understand the way these things go,” he said, before adding, “But it’s a moot point; I don’t find you attractive.”

“There’s really no use lying to me. And no benefit to you,” Ren said, and drained the last of his drink before signaling for another. 

“Oh, so next time you extract information for me, I suppose you’ll keep those sacred powers fired up to drag out my darkest desires and use them against me?” Hux snarled. 

“I don’t need the Force to tell when someone likes me,” Ren said. “And I would never use it against you. When someone gives you a gift like that, you don’t just throw it back in their face.” 

“A gift?” Hux said.

“I mean, yeah. It is a privilege to have someone open up to you like that. Don’t you think?” Ren said. The bartending droid set another colorful drink in front of him and refilled Hux’s whiskey. 

“I don’t know. I wouldn’t have thought of it that way,” Hux said. He was definitely starting to feel drunk; he rarely drank at all and had never had an impressive tolerance level. It felt okay with Ren, though, who only seemed to get more docile as he drank. 

“Can I ask you something personal?” Hux ventured.

“You can ask, but I might not answer,” Ren said.

“How many people have you slept with?”

Ren thought a second, then asked, “Total, or just humans?”

“Never mind. Forget I asked. Have a lovely evening,” Hux said, and got up to leave, slapping a few credits on the counter. 

“Hux, come on, don’t leave!” Ren said, eyes imploring, and put his hand on Hux’s arm. “Don’t be like that, sit with me a little longer.”

Hux stilled, just for a moment, at the touch of Ren’s hand (his huge hand) on his uniform sleeve, then pulled away. 

“No, no, that’s quite enough for one night, thank you,” he said and walked out without looking back at Ren’s face. 

* * *

Self love was a concession Hux granted himself once he was promoted out of the officer barracks and moved into his own quarters nine months earlier. It was a concession that he had come to grant himself vigorously, and often. On this night, he barely made it into his outer sitting chamber before fumbling his pants open with shaking fingers and taking hold of his cock. He leaned back on his sofa, closed his eyes, and stroked himself firmly, replaying the few glimpses of Ren’s face that he had allowed himself. The little quirk of his lips when he suggested himself as Hux’s equal. His soft tongue taking a lick of salt from his glass. There was something warm and inviting about that face, something vital, something he himself could never have, and Hux hated it. He imagined that tongue slipping into some grotesque alien orifice, those dark eyes fluttering shut as those lips parted slightly, some kind of sucking mouthparts administering pleasure just the way Ren wanted, ways that Hux would never be able to give him. It was shameful, really, not to mention unprofessional, but these little indulgences were the only way to buy temporary peace. 

His cock was uncooperative, due to the alcohol, going half hard, then soft again. Hux took his free hand and placed it on his sleeve, where Ren had pleaded with him not to leave. Ren had never done that before, touched Hux. Of course, nobody touched Hux. He rubbed a little at his own arm, gave it a gentle squeeze the way Ren might have done, had Hux stuck around to allow it. His cock had given up completely, but it still felt good, so he kept going, lightly massaging at the soft head with his thumb as his other hand kept stroking his arm. 

After a little while, with no real release forthcoming, Hux sat up again and ran his fingers through his hair. He walked into the bedroom and used his boot-pull to take off his constricting boots, then rubbed his calves and ankles for a minute before pulling off his pants as well. His uniform jacket and tunic went on hangers, and he was just about to head into the refresher when he heard a ding from the datapad sitting on his desk in the other room. He was really in no condition to be answering questions about the intelligence failure, which was almost certainly what the message was about, but neither was he in a position to ignore them. He couldn’t believe his own idiocy, getting drunk when his direction was sure to be needed at all hours, at least until the official debriefing with Snoke tomorrow. 

Hux got back up and went over to his desk to read the message. It was from Ren. 

**Kylo Ren [00:25:30]: 38 humans. **

**Kylo Ren [00:26:05]: sorry if i came on too strong. it doesn’t happen so often anymore, not since i joined the order. i get a little lonely i guess.**

Hux stared. 

**General Hux [00:28:10]: I forgive you.**

He thought again about Ren’s hand on his arm, Ren’s tongue on his salted glass. In the past, Hux occasionally lingered over reports of his combat missions, or even watched security cam footage of Ren training in battle simulations (another private shame of his). Hux knew that body was built for war; a near-perfect weapon. But the mouth was purely for pleasure. Gods, Hux wanted it everywhere. 

**General Hux [00:28:32]: If you want this to happen come over now while I’m still drunk.**

Even in the clearing haze of his inebriation, Hux was immediately horrified at himself. Not fifteen minutes ago he gave up on masturbating because he couldn’t keep it up, so naturally it’s the perfect time to invite the xeno dick connoisseur over for a little no-strings-attached humiliation. How quickly one bad decision leads to five more; this was why he rarely drank. He put a hand over his eyes, waiting for his fate to be sealed, but Ren’s response was prompt and merciful. 

**Kylo Ren [00:29:09]: No. i want you sober. i don’t want you to regret it. **

**Kylo Ren [00:29:18]: i’ll see you at the debriefing. go to sleep. **

* * *

The next day at the appointed time, Hux appeared before the Supreme Leader to plead for his continued employment and existence. Ren was already waiting in the empty chamber, wearing his mask this time. 

“Good afternoon, General,” he said. 

“Why the mask? The Supreme Leader knows what you look like,” Hux said.

“You seem more comfortable when I wear it,” Ren said neutrally, and dropped to a knee as the holo image of the Supreme Leader towered over them. 

“Greetings, Supreme Leader,” said Hux, who had remained standing.

“General Hux, do you care to explain to me why seventy stormtroopers and six officers are now dead on the surface of Ilum?” Snoke boomed.

“Supreme Leader, I take full responsibility for the failure. We obtained bad information from a prisoner and walked into a trap. I have transcripts of the interrogation available for your review, and I have identified where we went wrong. I can assure you that no such mistake will happen again. However, one of my surviving officers noted that the planet meets every environmental requirement for the site of our planetary weapon. I recommend that once review of the incident is complete and we have increased safety measures, we deploy a mission to the surface for further analysis,” Hux said, in one breath. 

“Interesting. And you believe this planet can be taken?” Snoke asked.

“With the correct deployment, absolutely.”

“Very good, General. See to it that no such failure happens again,” Snoke said, and turned to Ren. 

“And you, my apprentice. Do not think I have overlooked your role in this travesty. Have I not taught you the art of truth-seeking?”

“You have, Master.”

“Was it not I who showed you the truth of your own self? The truth of your destiny?”

“You were, Master.” 

“It is your sacred responsibility to enlighten those less gifted,” Snoke continued, and Hux bit back a snarl, “for the good of our shared cause. Remember this, and go.”

Ren bowed and turned to leave, and Hux followed him out. Once out in the hall, Hux leaned against the wall and put a hand over his heart, willing it to beat slower. Ren loomed into his space and placed his hand on Hux’s shoulder.

“Relax.”

“You can’t give me orders,” Hux snapped.

“I told you it would be fine. Can I come over now?” Hux stared at him incredulously. The mask stared back, and Hux tried hard not to assign an expression to it, or think about the face under it. 

“No,” Hux said. No. No. Absolutely not. “Come after second watch. Don’t wear this,” he gave Ren’s helmet a couple sharp taps. Ren nodded and walked away, wisely, before Hux could shout after him that he had changed his mind. 

* * *

Hux was delayed on the bridge for about thirty minutes after his watch ended, tying up loose ends and working out the logistics of sending a research team to the surface of Ilum, and as the minutes ticked by, the humming anxiety in his chest increased. The only thing worse than agreeing to a tryst with a supernaturally powerful slut of a coworker was being late to that tryst. 

When Hux turned into his corridor, he saw Ren already at the end of the hallway, standing outside his door. Ren’s hood was up, but as he turned slightly, Hux saw that he was maskless, as requested. He also saw worry written in those soft sad eyes and slightly downturned mouth. As if his normal expression wasn’t bad enough. But once Ren saw him coming, the concern melted into relief. 

“I thought you had changed your mind,” he said, reaching an arm out to touch Hux’s shoulder. Hux ducked from under it, fighting off a visceral reaction to the thought of someone turning the corner and seeing this scene. 

“So many times,” Hux shook his head, and punched in his room code, “Luckily for you it was an even number.” The door buzzed angrily at him, and Hux tried the code again. Again, the door buzzed. 

“Let me,” Ren said, and waved the door open with his hand. Hux stalked inside and let Ren follow. He turned around, about to ask, “What now?” when Ren slipped an arm around his waist and kissed him. Hux jolted back. 

“What are you doing?”

“I...kissing you? Do you not want that?” Ren asked.

“I thought this was purely carnal, is all. Kissing is a bit… intimate, isn’t it?” 

“It only has the meaning you attach to it. I like it, but we don’t have to if you don’t want,” Ren said.

“No, go ahead. I want you to,” Hux said. Even though this wasn’t the job he had imagined for Ren’s mouth, it couldn’t hurt to try. Ren leaned in again and kissed him on the lips, and Ren was right; it was pleasant. His lips were soft, and they gently opened up Hux’s so his tongue could slip in, and that was pleasant too. He liked the feeling of Ren’s hands on him, one stroking his waist, one on the back of his neck. Hux let his tongue flicker into Ren’s mouth, gaining a little confidence with each small stroke, and wrapped an arm over Ren’s shoulder. Ren chuckled into Hux’s mouth, and Hux pulled back, hurt.

“I’m not laughing at you, I promise. I just knew you’d like it,” Ren said. He nibbled at Hux’s ear, which forced a small moan out of Hux.

“You just—ah—love being right, don’t you?” 

“That’s my kink,” Ren said, and nuzzled at Hux’s hair. “Your hair isn’t as...hard as it looks.” 

Hux didn’t know what the hell that was supposed to mean, but Ren seemed happy enough, still nuzzling and mouthing at his ear. He let his hands wander further down Ren’s sides onto his hips and pulled them closer to him. He slid his hands up the back of Ren’s jacket, but was stopped by his belt, so he just felt around the small of his back. Ren got the hint and undid the belt, then took off the jacket, leaving only his black tunic. The material was thin and soft, and Hux enjoyed the sensation of running his hands lightly over it, just enough to feel it brush over Ren’s skin underneath. Ren started working on Hux’s uniform fastenings, his fingers surprisingly nimble with the small clasps, and paused after each one to kiss Hux’s neck and stroke his hips. 

He guided Hux backwards to the bed and sat him down on the edge, then eased the uniform jacket from Hux’s shoulders. The black undershirt underneath left Hux’s collarbones partially exposed, and Ren seemed fascinated by them. He traced a finger lightly over each one, then bent over and sucked a bruise into the hollow underneath one of them. Hux felt suddenly self-conscious. 

“I know I’m not…” he started, looking down,“I’ve been exempt from fitness requirements for some time now. With the promotion.” 

Ren shook his head, and Hux shivered at the feeling of his hair brushing his shoulders.

“No, you’re perfect. Just as I imagined. My perfect little General.” Hux thrilled at hearing his title, and his chest flushed.

“Oh, so lovely,” Ren purred, “Now just lean back, and tell me what you like. I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.” 

Hux slipped his undershirt over his head, propped himself on his pillow as instructed and allowed Ren to continue his ministrations, kissing and touching all up and down his torso as his cock began to get hard. But he hadn’t planned on verbalizing his exact desires to Ren, and now the task felt daunting.

“I...I don’t know,” he demurred. The sensations on his skin made it hard to focus on saying anything at all. 

“Oh, come on,” Ren said, teasing at the red trail on Hux’s stomach with his lower lip, “Do you touch yourself?”

“Yes,” Hux allowed. 

“Yes,” Ren echoed, “of course you do. And what do you think about when you do?”

“Just usual things. Whatever is normal,” Hux said. 

Ren crawled up so he was lying next to Hux, his lips against Hux’s ear, and whispered, “You are the General of the goddamn First Order. Do you understand the power you have? You can have whatever you want. And I have the power to give it to you, but you have to help me.” 

Hux sighed and shut his eyes. He was so accustomed to hearing Ren’s voice through the vocoder that hearing it unaltered at such an intimate distance made his erection stir. 

“I think about a beautiful stranger,” he began. “Or maybe it’s someone I know in passing.”

“Yes,” said Ren, sliding his hand down Hux’s stomach toward his waistband.

“He’s powerful, but in a different way from me. He could easily harm me, but he doesn’t.”

“Yes, Hux. What else?” 

“He wants to worship me. He...adores me.” Ren ran his hand across the lower part of Hux’s stomach, sliding only his little finger under the waistband, lingering in the hollows of Hux’s hips. Hux gasped at the touch. 

“What does the stranger do?” Ren asked, still at Hux’s ear, one hand starting to work on Hux’s belt. Hux opened his eyes and twisted his body to allow himself to really look at Ren for the first time. The loosely draped tunic obscured a lot of his shape, but Hux reached over and felt the finely shaped body underneath. He tugged lightly at the shirt.

“Takes this off,” he said. A smile twitched on Ren’s lips as he complied, pulling the tunic over his head in one motion. Hux schooled his expression as he looked at Ren’s body in the flesh for the first time. Though strong and well-defined, his arms retained some youthful lankiness, and his torso appeared to be in a state of partial completion as well, though he was well beyond the point of having an actual concavity in the breastbone, like Hux had. 

Hux lifted his hips off the bed and slid down his pants, hoping that was the right thing to do. Though he lacked sexual experience, he had been in enough communal showers to know that he was very average. Which, all things considered, wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Ren shifted his position to kneel by the bed at Hux’s feet, and Hux propped himself up on his elbows again to look at him.

“You look good like that,” Hux said, and allowed himself a short smile.

“You’re pretty cute yourself.”

“I am not cute, what a terrible word,” Hux said, instantly offended.

“Okay, fine. You have cute  _ moments. _ ”

“And what about this particular  _ moment  _ do you find so adorable, Ren? Please enlighten me.”

“I had an idea of what you would like and I was right, again. You want me kneeling at your feet like an obedient underling,” Ren said, and wrapped his fingers around Hux’s cock, stroking it up and down. Hux let out a shaky exhale, too overcome by sensation to get the last word. Ren’s hand felt very different from his own: bigger, for sure, but gentler, more controlled than his own artless tugging. 

“No,” Ren said, studying him, “like a loyal subject. Servicing my Emperor. Is that it?” 

Hux gasped and his elbows buckled. The emperor fantasy was so deeply private that Hux barely acknowledged it to himself. It was something he’d carefully take out and touch on briefly, just enough to push himself to orgasm when he was alone and even his interior bedroom door was locked (silly, but necessary for his full comfort), then quickly wrapped up and forgotten again until the next time. That Ren was able to intuit it all so effortlessly was both horrifying and arousing. 

“Yes, that’s much better. Just wait til the Emperor sees what else I have for him.” 

With that, Ren lowered his head to lick around the head of Hux’s cock before taking the whole of it into his mouth. Hux was surprised to hear a small noise come from his own throat, a soft  _ oh.  _ The sensation was unlike anything he had ever felt before, perfect warmth, his sensitive tip traveling back and forth between hard palate and soft upper throat as Ren bobbed his head. Ren gripped Hux’s hips and let his thumbs trace the crease from hip to groin, which seemed to direct shivery electricity straight into his dick. It was a lot to take, and Hux did his best to stuff down the orgasm that kept trying to surface. 

“Just... pause a moment?” he asked, and was surprised at how difficult it was to get the words out. Ren raised his head and sat back on his heels.

“Sure, yeah. Are you okay?” he said, and put his hand on Hux’s hip. Hux nodded. 

“Need to catch my breath. I don’t want to make a total arse of myself,” he said. 

“Want to do something different for a bit, then come back to this?”

“We can do that?” Sex had always appeared very linear to Hux; it had never occurred to him that one could deviate from the order like that. 

“Yes, Hux. It’s allowed,” Ren said solemnly, “I’m going to open you up, okay? I’ll go slow.”

Hux nodded, feeling suddenly less relaxed as Ren traced his cleft with a fingertip.

“Have you ever done this yourself?” Ren asked. 

“No, never,” Hux said, his voice already a little reedy. 

“Okay. This will feel strange at first, but it shouldn’t hurt. If it does, let me know and I’ll slow down,” Ren said, dripping lube onto his fingertips from a little bottle he took from his pocket. It seemed a little presumptuous of Ren to bring his own lube, but Hux didn’t say anything. He was beginning to realize that the flipside of Ren’s emotional outbursts and unpredictability was this terrible earnestness that he just couldn’t bring himself to poke holes in. 

“All this time, were you saving yourself just for me?” Ren breathed, and seeing Hux’s face, whispered, “Just pretend, it makes it better.”

“Yes, Ren, just for you,” Hux said, and saying it out loud made it feel almost true. Ren hummed with pleasure and pressed a kiss into Hux’s stomach as he circled his wet finger around Hux’s entrance. 

“Relax, relax,” he murmured. “Such a privilege, defiling the virgin Emperor.” Hux nodded and Ren slid a finger just past Hux’s rim. Ren was right; it didn’t hurt, but wasn’t especially pleasurable either. Just an unfamiliar stretch. 

“Okay so far?” Ren asked, eyes searching. 

“Yes,” Hux said. “Is it supposed to feel good?”

“Don’t worry, this is just to warm you up,” he said, and slowly rotated his fingertip, stretching to the top, then the bottom, then each side. “Just keep breathing.” Hux did his best, but each breath still came out a little shaky. 

“Perfect, Hux. You’re doing so well. Are you ready for a little more?” 

“Yes, I think so,” Hux said. 

“Okay, big exhale,” Ren said, and slid the rest of his finger deep inside. This felt much more significant, closer to pleasure than before but still mostly just strange. The whole encounter was not at all what Hux was expecting; Ren’s slow pace and gentle check-ins made him feel...cared for, perhaps even treasured. 

Ren bent his finger and started massaging at a particular spot, and Hux gasped and arched back. Ren gave a crooked smile and then wrapped his lips around Hux’s cock again. Hux allowed himself to look down at Ren, who met his gaze and let his throat constrict and compress the sensitive tip. Watching Ren on his knees, nearly choking on his dick, and looking up at Hux so eager to please, so pretty, was nearly too much to take, but he grit his teeth and forced his orgasm away again. He felt a second finger massaging near his entrance before sliding in next to the first, and Ren moved them both in and out slowly, allowing Hux time to adjust to the new fullness. Hux looked down at Ren, temperamental, powerful, who had been with so many other, better lovers that Hux couldn’t even begin to fathom. And he still chose to give this kind of attention to Hux, expecting nothing more than Hux’s touch and attention in return. That thought, in addition to the warm, soft pressures of Ren’s mouth on his cock was nearly overwhelming, and Hux actually felt tears prick at his eyes. He blinked them away. 

“Tell me--” Hux started, and Ren looked up at him expectantly. Hux closed his eyes and shook his head.

“No, forget it,” Hux said, reddening, “It’s stupid.” Ren raised his head from Hux’s cock, his lips wet and reddened.

“No, you can tell me. What is it?” he said. He had stopped moving his fingers in Hux but didn’t remove them.

“I don’t want to say it,” Hux said. Ren reached up with his free hand and ran his fingers through Hux’s hair, studying his face for a moment.

“You’re wondering what my first time was like. That’s not stupid,” Ren said, and Hux felt shot through with embarrassment that his insecure imaginings had been met with such sincerity and willingness. Ren resumed fucking Hux with his fingers, then moved back next to Hux and kissed him deeply again, and Hux was submerged completely in Ren’s memory. 

_ Ren and a genderless Zabrak were stretched out together on a thin mat in an austere hut. The Zabrak looked about eighteen, and though the vision was from Ren’s point of view, Hux guessed him to be about the same. Hux could feel Ren’s thoughts and feelings passing through: arousal, fondness, trust, apprehension all mixed together. Ren was sliding his cock in and out of a series of folds between the Zabrak’s legs, not unlike human labia, but extended and multiplied. The folds curled around Ren’s cock, grasping and caressing it as he slid it between different pairs. The folds appeared to have a mild electrical charge that stimulated them both, and Ren was shivering in pleasure. He shifted onto his back and lifted the Zabrak on top of him, and they put their hands on Ren’s shoulders as they rubbed their folds over his cock. The Zabrak appeared to orgasm, and their folds gave off a stronger charge that shocked an orgasm out of Ren as well. He panted and pulled the Zabrak down against his chest, and they buried their face in his neck and started laughing.  _

_ “Very bad Jedi, Ben. You better hope I don’t start bragging to everyone,” they murmured, and Ren laughed too.  _

Watching this scene, Hux felt suddenly poisoned by deep sadness, and as he came back to himself, still kissing Ren, he realized the sadness came from him. He knew only the vague details of Ren’s early life, that he was a Jedi apprentice who had defected under unusual circumstances two years ago, and he now got the sense that he had been granted access to something terribly private. He remembered Ren’s comment about this sort of openness being a gift, but now that he had it, he wasn’t sure what to do with it. He stroked Ren’s hair, for lack of a better idea, and Ren pulled back from the kiss and looked down, away from Hux, as if ashamed. 

“Who--” Hux started, and Ren’s eyes snapped back up to meet Hux’s as he interrupted.

“You’re relaxed now, you should be able to take me. Are you ready?” Ren asked, his voice calm but hard-edged. He withdrew his fingers and Hux flinched a little at the sensation. 

“I-- yes, I think so,” Hux said, disconcerted. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’ll be easiest for you to control the depth and the pace if you ride me, at least in the beginning,” Ren said, sitting up and shifting to lean back against the headboard, then unceremoniously removing his pants to reveal a beautifully proportioned cock. 

Hux’s lips parted slightly and his brow furrowed. He was more aroused now than he had ever felt, but at the same time thoroughly out of his depth. Was Ren angry at him? He was the one who chose to share that memory; Hux wouldn’t have even known to ask for such a thing! He felt himself getting angry, and it mixed with his arousal into a potent and confusing swirl. Ren was no longer offering reassurances, and Hux again felt like he was in dangerous and uncharted territory with a near-stranger. But he didn’t want to turn back now, and so he straddled Ren’s lap and took the container of lube from the nightstand. He squeezed some into his hand and gave Ren’s cock a few strokes. It was already fully hard, and Hux liked how it felt in his hand, an inviting weight with a slight curve to it. Ren placed his hand on Hux’s hip and met his eyes. Hux had always avoided looking at Ren’s face because it gave him so much trouble in a professional setting, but now he allowed himself to study it carefully for the first time. Ren looked pained, almost pleading, as he placed his own hand over Hux’s and moved them together up and down the length of his cock.

The problem with Ren’s face was not just his handsomeness, though Hux had come to appreciate that over time, as well. The problem was that it was so painfully open, each passing thought and emotion lighting it from within like a planetside domicile on a cold night, so alive and warm that it hurt Hux to look at from outside, knowing that he could never come inside and share in the light or warm himself by the fire, away from the unforgiving elements of his own world. And yet he had; Ren had welcomed him inside more literally than he had thought possible, and now Ren was upset. Perhaps Hux’s own coldness was at fault, and now he would be shown the door. 

But Ren made no move to stop or make Hux leave, just pulled him closer on his lap. Hux raised himself up and positioned himself over Ren’s cock before starting to lower down onto it. It felt more substantial than Ren’s fingers, and Hux was quickly overwhelmed. 

“Slow, slow. Take your time to get used to it,” Ren gasped. Hux paused halfway down, his mouth hanging open slightly, and looked down at Ren, who met his eyes only briefly before glancing away and furrowing his brow. Had Hux done something wrong? The thought of asking made him burn with embarrassment, and he felt his cheeks and neck start to color, which only made it worse. 

Ren must have noticed Hux reddening, because his expression softened and he put his hands back on Hux’s hips. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have shown you that.” Hux only nodded, the stiff military nod he reverted to when he was uncomfortable. Ren looked pained again. 

“Fuck. Did I ruin it for you? Do you even want to keep going?” he asked. 

“No, I do,” Hux said, mostly truthfully. 

“Let’s try something different, then,” Ren said, and easily lifted Hux off him before laying him down on the bed and getting on top himself, pressing his cock into Hux’s stomach and grinding his hips down. Being lifted was a thrill, but Hux was completely unprepared for the whole of Ren’s weight resting on his torso, skin to skin, Ren’s bare arms wrapped around his shoulders, his own legs hitched up around Ren’s back. 

Hux was aware of the science regarding human touch. Young stormtroopers diagnosed with “failure to thrive” were given weighted blankets to simulate close personal contact. Hux had never used any artificial aides like that; he had never felt that he was missing anything. This kind of touch wasn’t something he had really considered when he’d agreed to have sex with Ren. It didn’t seem important. He was wrong, he was so wrong. The sensation of Ren’s smooth skin touching his own, Ren’s perfect heaviness pressing him into the bed, Ren’s soft mouth on his neck, it was twenty nine years of deeply-buried need fulfilled all at once. Ren lifted himself briefly to re-slick his cock, then started to push in slowly, resting himself back on top of Hux and starting with a slight in-and-out motion to ease the rest of the way in. This time Hux couldn’t will away the tears, and he rushed to wipe them from the corners of his eyes. 

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” Ren asked gently, and stroked Hux’s hair. “I feel it too.” 

Hux huffed at himself and nodded, afraid of what his voice might sound like if he tried to speak. Ren’s cock was very nearly too large, yes, but it was also satisfying in a way his fingers hadn’t been, and it was a relief to let Ren take back control of the encounter. The friction of his cock between their stomachs was getting him close already, and he didn’t think he would be able to delay his orgasm much longer. Ren started kissing him again, moaning into his opened mouth, and Hux felt utterly subsumed. It was as if Ren had cracked open his chest and started living there, filling him up from every angle with unfamiliar emotions and sensations until they spilled over, leaving him exposed and vulnerable but also safe and cared for. 

Hux came. Harder than he ever had before, a whole body experience, panting and whimpering, his back arching up into Ren’s stomach.

“So good, Hux. So good for me,” Ren murmured, fucking him through it. Hux threw his arms around Ren’s shoulders, barely able to keep himself from going limp. Ren only lasted a couple minutes longer, and when he came Hux felt a jolt of energy pass through Ren’s body into his own, rippling out like a drop in a glass. Hux felt the adrenaline and emotions of the encounter start to subside within himself, but he could not locate any regret as Ren stroked his hair and held him close. They didn’t speak, but lying quietly together in the dark, he felt quite sure that Ren was not regretting it either. 


End file.
